Heavy in Your Arms
by Lovelihead
Summary: 'It was wrong. Oh god, it was so wrong; but that didn't stop us. We couldn't stop. It was like an addiction, I swear.' Tony and Ziva can't resist each other even though they're seeing other people. Smut. Tony/Ziva.


**Whew. Two fics in two days? This must be some sort of record... for me. Haha. This is called not having a life during Easter break (I regret nothing) **

**Well, this little fic is quite an interesting one. The idea is actually sparked off another idea I had for a multi chap fic that (who am I kidding) might happen... eventually. Ha. It's 95% smut, 4% serious Tony/Ziva conversation and 1% cute Tiva smiles! Haha well if you read it you'll understand. It's pretty raunchy and, well, you know if you're supposed to be reading it. **

**Disclaimed.**

**Enjoy!**

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><p><em>Who is the betrayer,<em>

_Who's the killer in the crowd?_

_The one who creeps in corridors,_

_And doesn't make a sound._

_**- Heavy in your arms **_

**_Florence and the Machine_**

It was wrong. Oh god, it was _so _wrong; but that didn't stop us. We couldn't stop. It was like an addiction, I swear. It had always seemed ridiculous to me, the idea of one person being oh so captivating in such an indecent way. Sure, the indecency as a whole is _very_ addicting, but I can't get enough of _her._

The way she kisses me, the way she scratches her nails down my back until it's red raw and bloody, the way she sinks her teeth into my flesh and soothes it with her tongue; it's all too much. The way her body clings to me and the way her muscles squeeze me from the inside.

I couldn't suppress the groan that I choked up at the memory of her body; her inner muscles pulling me further within her, clutching me, unwilling to let go.

She's all over me, her sun kissed body slick with sweat and rubbing against me as her lips attack my mouth. She's rubbing herself against my cock and running her fingers over my shoulders and down my back as I place my hands on her ass and lift her so she can wrap her legs around my waist.

"You're a bad boy, Anthony," Ziva chuckled throatily against the flesh of my jaw, placing a hot, wet kiss against it.

And she was right. Fuck, she was so right. This was so wrong and so indecent and I sure as fuck was going straight to hell; but that didn't matter at that moment. All that mattered was that her, both the snake and the apple all at once, was coiled so fucking tight around me that I couldn't think straight.

"And you're a bad girl," I pressed out, hoisting her up higher as her slick flesh began to slide on mine, "But they do say that two wrongs make a right."

She laughed huskily at that, pressing her breasts against my chest, "If that's your way of justifying this, I'll go with it."

I laughed softly against her flesh as I pressed my tongue to it, nipping and kissing the skin of her throat as she wove her fingers through my hair and held me there. She moaned and tried to press her body closer to mine.

The immorality of the act that we were partaking in only succeeded in making me hotter, harder, and hornier for her. She brought her lips to mine and plunged her tongue inside; it was hot and hurried and downright mind blowing. I spun her around and placed her naked body on my soft, coffee brown couch.

She giggled when I crawled on top of her and I smiled back at her before she hooked her arm around my neck and brought my face to hers, kissing me.

She moaned a low sound that reverberated deep in her throat when I pressed my knee between her legs. I could feel her wet heat rub against my thigh as she thrust her hips up and coated my flesh with her slick, burning essence.

Somehow I couldn't see her acting this way with CI-Ray; so uninhibited, without abandon. And if that was the case, I could understand her. I couldn't be this uncontrolled and immodest with E.J.

Ziva brought something out in me, something that caused me to lose all self-control. That was why this was so immoral, so wrong. This was adultery; but fuck she was a temptation I just could not deny.

"Tony," she cried out, grabbing my hand and pushing my fingers downward roughly, in the direction she wanted them to go.

I smiled and pressed my lips against her clavicle as my fingers played with her clitoris.

"You like that?" I questioned smarmily, thrusting two fingers deep inside of her as she cried out and clawed at the flesh of my back. "Tell me you like it," I groaned, hitching her leg over my shoulder as I continued to plunge my fingers into her wet heat and massage her inner walls as I breathed lustful things against her center.

She pressed out a loud moan as her hips rocked against my fingers.

"Jesus," she hissed, her nails biting deep into the flesh of my back_._

She took a deep sobbing breath before trailing her finger tips up to the back of my head, pushing it down to where she wanted me most. I continued to play with her slick inner walls as my tongue toyed with her clit.

"Come on," I groaned against her, thrusting my fingers into her harder and using my other hand to rub her clit in maddening circles. "Come on, let go Ziva."

I could feel her walls fluttering around my fingers as her hips thrust up against me and rolled with my ministrations in an uncontrolled way.

I pressed my forearm against her abdomen and leaned over her, trying to still her as I continued to work her, faster and faster.

"_Fuck,"_ she pressed out a long high pitched cry. "I'm almost there," she breathed out, trying to rock her hips harder against my fingers, but I held her down. She cried out in frustration as her fingernails scratched my back and her teeth bit down hard on my shoulder.

I could do nothing more than groan along with her as she came. It was beautiful. Her skin was flushed a rosy red and her body was trembling hard. I watched her press her head back into the plush cushions of my couch as she screamed her release. The look on her face was not one that I would easily forget. Her eyes squeezed shut and her lips were parted and panting as I worked her down from her high.

My head was spinning as I breathed heavily along with her. I could smell her sex heavy in the air as I tried to get my thundering heart back under control.

She was chuckling huskily before _I_ even had the chance to recover from what she'd experienced. She slowly trailed her fingertips over my shoulder and down my chest until she reached my cock. She ran her fingers over it for the smallest fraction of time before she wrapped them around my wrist and tugged my fingers from inside of her.

I could do nothing but stare motionlessly at her face as her heated gaze burned a hole straight through me. Her lips were parted and her tongue rested against her bottom lip cheekily. She brought my fingers to her lips and drew them into her mouth, all the while staring fervently into my eyes.

I groaned as she began to suck on them harder, drawing them further into her mouth and drawing her own flavor from them. I pulled them from her mouth and she breathed out a frustrated sigh as I wove them threw her hair and pressed my lips to hers, pushing my tongue inside to taste her; all of her.

"Tony, I cannot wait any longer," she sighed, grinding up against my cock.

"Tell me what you want," I breathed hotly against her ear before trailing my lips over the skin of her jaw to bite down on her neck.

"You," she gasped, "You inside of me, fuck, please."

She reserved her dirty mouth for these moments and I loved that about her. It always caused a pang of arousal deep in my belly every time I heard her use such language.

I could tell she was fighting the urge to just push me on the floor and fuck me senseless, so I decided not to make her wait _too_ long. I grabbed my cock and pressed it against her. Her wetness was like liquid fire, burning my flesh. I groaned as she bucked up against me, rolling her hips against my straining erection.

"_Jesus,"_ she cried out, burying her face into my neck as I slid inside of her.

She hooked her legs around my waist and murmured dirty, horny things into my ear to encourage me. My hips bucked at her words.

I started a steady pace, slamming into her as she rocked her hips up against me. She started screaming out after a few minutes of this and I had to tear my gaze away from where we joined to look at her face then. And I'm glad I did because the look on her face was so hot, so horny.

"Ziva," I grunted hotly, hearing her moan in reply. "Ziva, tell me," I began, breathing hot breaths against her flesh, "Tell me I'm better than him." I fucked her harder.

"Oh, Tony," she hissed, bringing her fingers down to rub herself in time with my thrusts.

"Tell me I fuck you better than him," I hissed ardently, hitching her leg higher up my back, "You can't stop coming back for more, can you? Fuck you're so tight, so gorgeous," I ran my hand down the side of her face and she shuddered, trembling violently at the feelings being invoked deep inside of her.

"Yes," she gasped, "Yes, yes, yes, harder" her fingernails bit deep into the back of my neck as her other hand worked hard at getting herself off. "Yes, _shit,"_ she moaned, her hips shaking and rocking; beginning to lose all rhythm.

"Tell me," I demanded, "Come on!" I could feel my release approaching quickly and I knew hers was probably even closer than mine.

"I cannot get enough of you," she moaned, "I keep coming back for more because you're so-_oh_ good."

My hips slowed fractionally from their pumping as I hooked my arms beneath her thighs and stood up with her in my arms, still deep inside of her. I needed a new angle, needed to feel her, needed to be deeper.

She wrapped her arms around my neck as I began to thrust up into her. She voiced her approval for the new angle.

"Yes!" she screamed, "Oh you're so deep!"

She threw her head back as I continued to thrust into her harder and faster.

"Come for me," I demanded, "come on!"

She pressed out a long and loud moan, "You're so good," she screamed.

"Tell me I'm the best, tell me I'm better than him," I yelled at her, "Come on, you know it's true, God, come on."

She was so lost, so out of it, she screamed on every downward thrust she made. I hooked my arms tighter around her thighs and grabbed her ass as I pulled her down hard onto my cock with every thrust.

"Yes," she moaned, "yes, yes you're the best, so m-_uh-_uch better than him," she bit her lip and I felt her walls begin to flutter around me, "You're so good, oh."

She screamed out her release. Her walls clenched and quivered along my member as I stilled inside of her, biting the inside of my cheek in an attempt to will away my orgasm. I had to make her come again. I had to make her keep coming back for more, because _fuck_ I needed more.

When she fell against me, breathing heavily after her high, I turned and pushed her deep into the cushions of the couch, resuming my thrusting. She was almost halfway there again in under a second, her moans quickly rising in volume and pitch as I sucked my fingers into my mouth and rubbed tight circles around her clitoris.

"You're going to come for me again, aren't you?" I questioned goadingly into her neck and she nodded against me.

"Oh yes," she screamed, before her muscles fluttered around me again and this time I couldn't hold back.

"Jesus Christ," I grunted, my hips pumping erratically as I ejaculated deep inside of her_._

"Yes!" she screamed, her muscles clenching around my member as our juices mingled together and dripped from her hot pussy.

Breathing heavily, I maneuvered us so she was on top of me, her head resting against my chest. Our slick, sweaty flesh pressed together as we came down from our highs.

The only sounds in the room for a long while were our slowing breaths. That was until she tapped me on the chest, asking softly, "Am I better than E.J.?"

I chuckled softly and she lifted her head to meet my eye and laughed along with me, "Yes, Ziva."

What she said next had my mind reeling and my heart pounding, "Then why are you with her, instead of me?" The way she said it sounded so simple, as though she'd asked why I was having toast and not cereal for breakfast.

"If I'm so much better than Ray, why are you with him instead of me?" I asked with a slightly biting tone.

She was silent for a long while, her gaze not directly meeting mine, "This is just sex, Tony," she said softly.

"Well then I guess you just answered your own question," I smiled coldly. I wanted to stand and get away from her because this conversation was turning ugly and she was entirely too naked and entirely too close for ugly. But she was heavy against me and I could tell she wasn't about to move anytime soon.

"What do you see in her?" she asked, sounding like a jealous teenager.

I wanted to smack her and ask her why the fuck that mattered, but I knew she'd hit me back harder and I couldn't take that risk given my current protection, or lack thereof. "I told you, I get her."

"Why don't you get me?" she persisted.

"Look, I don't know," I said angrily, sitting up fast so she wouldn't be able to stop me. I jostled her and she jumped to her feet, an indignant look on her face.

"Hey!" she yelled, folding her arms across her chest as I pressed the heels of my palms against my eyes.

"Maybe because you're just… _you_," I said, "Because I feel like I've grown up with you. You're like the girl next door who has a boyfriend and acts happy with him but is still _fucking around_ with me and flirting like there's no tomorrow." I had to stand then, had to clutch her shoulders and shake her so she'd pay attention, "Maybe because you told your boyfriend that I was just your brother, but we've been fucking on and off now for about three years. I don't fucking understand you Ziva." Her eyes were wide and glassy by now, "I don't understand what you want from me. What is this? Every time I try to be happy with someone else it feels like you're purposefully trying to fuck it up and I don't know _why."_

She opened her mouth to say something, protest maybe, but she shut it as quickly as she'd opened it.

"I'm happy with E.J. I understand her and it works but instead of being with her now I was _fucking you_. Now you're asking me what I see in her and why I'm with her instead of you… but you're telling me that this is just fucking?" I knew I must have sounded hysterical, "What do you want from me Ziva, I don't understand you."

Her eyes widened even further and her bottom lip jutted out apprehensively, "I…" she began, dropping her gaze to the floor. "I just want something permanent," she murmured, "I'm sick of things being taken away from me and I'm trying to figure out how to keep you in my life. You are the most permanent thing I have and I don't want to lose you."

My heart constricted in my chest and I felt my stomach plummet. "Oh, Ziva."

She wasn't crying but her eyes were glassy.

All at once I was enlightened to what she was doing while simultaneously being thrust into the dark.

"What is permanent?" I found myself asking, and I realized it didn't really make much sense, but she seemed to understand.

"I don't know," she sighed, "I just… since my father, and Ari and Michael, I have had a lot of trust issues," she took a deep shuddering breath. "You were the only person who regained my trust and… I've learned I can trust fully." She brushed her hair back, away from her eyes, "Sure the weekends in Miami and the ski trips were nice, but I don't have that sort of trust in Ray. I'm just afraid to lose that with you."

I reached out for her before I'd even had a chance to think about it. She leaned into my touch and wrapped her arms around my back.

I wanted to tell her she'd never lose me, I wanted to tell her that I'd be here for her forever; but I knew I couldn't. I knew it would be an empty promise because none of us really knew what may happen in the future. We lived a life full of uncertainty and doubt and whether we liked it or not, that's what made us who we were.

So I just held her tighter and promised that she could always trust me.

After a minute of silence I cleared my throat, "So… what happens now?"

She pulled away from me and looked steadily into my eyes, her arms still wrapped loosely around my waist.

"Things go back to normal," she pressed her lips into a firm line and nodded, "I see Ray, you see E.J."

I felt my heart constrict, "No more sex?"

Her face broke into a grin, "I mean the kind of normal where we're being completely immoral and fucking each other senseless."

I nodded slowly before a grin and a look of understanding washed over my face, "Ah, I see. And what if, in the future, I decide I want you all to myself?"

She pursed her lips as though she was seriously considering something, "We'll have to get past the troll that resides under that bridge when we get to it."

I frowned in confusion. Sure, she had a few idiom issues, but that was really unexpected.

"I think you mean 'cross that bridge' I don't know where the troll came from."

She grinned playfully, "Oh, I think I must have been thinking of E.J. on that one."

I had to smile, despite myself, "You really don't like her, huh?"

She raised her eyebrows as if to say, '_no shit,'_ and she placed a hand against my cheek. "Whatever makes you happy makes me happy."

"You make me happy," I smiled softly, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.

"You make me happy, too."

And in some far off world where things are straightforward and simple, we seemed like two lovers destined to be together. But in this world, in our lives, things were much more complicated than that. And maybe not understanding her was a good thing, despite everything, that's really what I loved about her. I loved the mystery and the intrigue of her. That's probably why I couldn't maintain a healthy relationship with E.J. That's probably why every spare chance I had was spent with Ziva, granted most of that time was spent _inside _of Ziva, the rush of excitement I felt each time I discovered something new about her was far more gratifying than anything I'd ever had, or could have with E.J.

But, this world is complicated and until I discover how I can make it work, I'll have to be content with this arrangement. And I can say that now, with her fingernails biting into my flesh, her inner walls clenching around my straining erection and her whispered hushed sighs of adoration tickling my ear; I'm more than content.

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><p><strong>So, I'm not entirely sure about the ending? I wanted to leave it open ended because I would like to continue this. What do you think? Best left standing or is there more to be said? I know it's not the best of arrangements for these two and that's why I kind of would like some feedback on this one because I'm really not sure.<strong>

**Reviews? :))) **


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